I Aspire To Have An Original Thought... One Day

25 | He/Him | Masc Trans NB | Certified Dumbass | Supposedly an Adult

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star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Dissociating in the McDonalds. Got the double whammy really fucking loud music that is currently playing "stop" by the spice girls.

I'd have to question what fucking decade it was if the McDonalds experience wasn't drastically different than it used to be.


star-rice(he/him)
bumblingbee(they/them)
Time ago

Painting Practice

I'm not sure where this is going or what it'll be when it's finished but i was feeling particularly goblin-y today. I don't paint often, physically or digitally, but this was really fun to do today.


star-rice(he/him)
goropancakechi
Time ago

The pupbee I worked on in stream! Thanks for everyone who came to have a peak lol

Like my work? Buy me a coffee

Commission slots available!


star-rice(he/him)
stararts
Time ago


star-rice(he/him)
coffee(she/they)
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Was thinking about how I'll have to grab food on my way to boyfs house from work and then Papa called and asked if I wanted anything from whataburger 😭

My father is a blessing


star-rice(he/him)
thecoyfischer
Time ago

Quail Kitty Adoptable! (Open)

Random inspiration hit and this happened hahah!

They are open for offers of art or money

Also posted on my da, more info there. (OPEN) Quail Kitty Adoptable by TheCoyfischer on DeviantArt


star-rice(he/him)
goropancakechi
Time ago
goropancakechi

Just some thoughts on things, nothing bad, just didn't want to hijack anyone's post with a novel gnfdji

Some people seem to forget that it's completely okay to have neutral feelings toward something, anything, including yourself and your looks.

Saying or thinking something like "I could work on [insert thing]. I don't hate it, but if I worked on it, I might feel better about it!" is completely fine.

Going from "I hate [thing] about myself" or "I'm ugly" to "I love everything about myself" and "I am beautiful, nothing is bad about me!" is quite unhealthy in itself, because you're just going from one extreme to the other.

A middle ground exists, and it's okay to be there about some things! It's healthy looking at yourself in a neutral light sometimes, because you're not bashing yourself, but also admitting that you're still just a person and not perfect, because nobody is perfect. Everybody has something they don't like that much about themselves, and if it's just something 'small' like "Everytime I eat something with a sauce, it ends up on my shirt." (taking myself as an example here). And that's fine.

Something I learned from over a decade of therapy is that

  • Small steps are still steps
  • Going from one extreme to the other is not 'progressive', it's unhealthy and quite harmfull because it can cause you to not be able to handle criticism of yourself in a healthy manner (even if said criticism comes from yourself); Reacting with "No, I am completely fine and you are wrong!" every time is just as bad as constantly reaming into yourself. Not to mention it comes across as incredibly arrogant and ignorant (even if it isn't meant in that way).
  • Having problem zones is fine. It's how you handle your feelings about it that matters.
  • A grey zone exists for a lot of things and it's so, SO important, especially in modern, social media driven society where it's pretty easy to find people that agree with basically anything, no matter how extreme (good or bad).
  • Nobody is perfect. And that's okay.
  • You're constantly learning and changing, including opinions on things. That's a good thing.

Idk man I suck at putting it into words but basically, self-love =/= loving every little thing about yourself. Self-love is being good to yourself, but also admitting and understanding that you're not and will never be perfect. Self-love is being able to admit when you're wrong and apologize for it, learning from it. Self-love is deciding to work on things you don't like about yourself, instead of claiming it to be "fine" or "perfect" when you feel like it isn't. Self-love is not constantly putting yourself down, but also being able to say "Yes, this time I messed up." and dealing with the consequences, learning from your mistake and trying your best to not repeat it. Self-love is doing your best to not fall into unhealthy behaviours for your own sake, while also being able to understand and admit that everyone has bad days, weeks, months, and that doesn't make you a failure.

Self-love is admitting that you're not perfect, but that's okay because no one is. Self-love is trying your best to be happy with yourself, while understanding that you're still a human capable of goofing up, like everyone else.

Obviously this is just my view point and it's fine if someone disagrees I guess, just felt like putting my thoughts down. Hopefully I didn't get too off-topic gnbdjh keeping things short is hard when words are hard.

(I also didn't want to just burst in and hijack anyone's post, in case they don't like me interacting with it. This way it's easier for people that don't like me to simply ignore me. I'm not a fan of leaving a novel on someone else's post in case they feel uncomfortable with it ngdjfk)


star-rice(he/him)
babushka(he/she, он/она/)
Time ago
babushka

ummmm so my therapist said something ive never heard anyone do or say before so imma share

she said to practice not labeling things as good or bad, there's a word for it but i don't rememember the english one

and she gave me an example, like instead of saying "i am ugly" (i feel ugly these days sadly, so)

i could just say "i wish i looked different"

this doesn't take away my feelings from the sentence but it doesn't sound like a death sentence anymore, also it now sounds like a ME problem (because I don't know what others people think of me, they might not think I'm ugly, I only think that, and I only think that because at this point of time i wish i look different).

also it's solution oriented because i can try looking different with makeup or whatever the heck there is

like

some people would try and say that it's not progressive and i should just jump straight to accepting and loving how i look but heres the thing

1) a licensed therapist said that and they also are very educated in their field so

2) feelings don't just go away easy like that and it's okay

star-rice

on the "its not progressive enough" bit, its hard to jump straight from self loathing to self love. Having neutral feelings about yourself is a lot easier of a stepping stone. Not being openly hostile towards yourself is a very reasonable goal especially if you've been less than kind to yourself for so long.



star-rice(he/him)
mier(él/they/them)
Time ago
mier

Spent one hour painting stars <3 I love traditional painting

mier

It's night and the light in my house is shit but BEHOLD



star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

So I still get ma'am from time to time while I'm working. And I realize it's because of my face shape. Being a bit overweight doesn't help (fat people have to perform gender more to look less androgenous yada yada). But I think I e figured out something. Unfortunately not in mitigating getting called ma'am, but with being okay with it.

I had a guy today say "thank you sir" then he stuttered, corrected himself incorrectly to "ma'am" and apologized. I was perturbed by it, it actually made me chuckle, because as a nonbinary person who only conforms to gender stuff to get a better response, confusing the shit out of a dude is amusing beyond belief. But it reminded me that the way I am viewed is innately more masculine. Even if they clock my AGAB. That ma'am did not mean he saw me as some little girl, definately not someone super femme, but in more of a butch way. Which, I probably get gender envy from butch women more than I ever have before. So is it so bad to catch a ma'am every once in a while?

Obviously I'm doing gender gymnastics on my head about this, but it's refreshing to come out with "huh, that's not too terrible? Maybe a tiny but heartwarming even" instead of microanalyzing why one would perceive me as female and how do I prevent it in the future?

It also helps that the guy who was buying from me was sweet and seemed like he was genuinely trying to be respectful, but as with anyone, it's impossible to know for sure with anyone non-cis.


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
star-rice(he/him)
Time ago
star-rice

About to go absolutely batshit on the fucking endermen screwing around in my house.

star-rice

Seriously, this is the SECOND TIME they've bip bopped around and broken a whole set of double doors.

Can't have shit in detroit.



star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Man, I think I've always had a problem with gender binaries where one of the prominent features is covered chest vs not covered chest. Like no matter what else is present in the obvious female/male dynamic, the "boobs is always female" thing gets to me. I know now it's because I'm trans and nonbinary, but this really speaks to how much I've always been, and will continue to be, gender nonconforming.


star-rice(he/him)
naiad(she/her or they/them)
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
naiad(she/her or they/them)
Time ago
naiad

tbh @coffee 's pupbee art is something i wildly look forward to lately! such a happy little creature during some tough times


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Maybe the cat falling sleep beneath the money tree is good luck.

Maybe they're just there for the same reason...


star-rice(he/him)
thedarklordgivenofucks(they/them)
Time ago
A skillet full of roasted chicken thighs, carrots, potatoes, red onions, and slices of red bell pepper.

Skillet-Roasted Chicken, Potatoes and Peppers

Trust me, it tastes as good as it looks. Disclaimer: I did not write this recipe. I stole it from a magazine by photographing the page it was on cuz it was on the cover and it looked tasty, and that was years ago and I don't even remember what magazine it was so ¯(ツ)

You need an oven-safe skillet for this recipe. Preferably one that's a bit deep as well.

~Ingredients~

  • 10 small yellow potatoes
  • 2 Tbsp olive oil [Feel free to cut this down or out entirely - believe me, this will be moist enough with only half the oil]
  • 4 chicken thighs (skin on) [The original recipe called for 4 thighs + 4 drumsticks but that's a lot of chicken my dude]
  • Salt and pepper (to taste)
  • 6 cloves garlic, smashed (or about 2 teaspoons of garlic powder)
  • 2 small red onions, cut into ¾-inch-thick wedges
  • 1 large red pepper, cut into 2 in. pieces
  • 1 Tbsp. fresh rosemary (chopped), plus 2 small sprigs, broken into pieces
  • 4 medium carrots, peeled and cut into 3 in. pieces [or just use a good handful of baby carrots like I do]

~Instructions~

  1. Preheat the oven to 425°F (about 218°C)
  2. Place the potatoes on a microwave-safe plate, stab them with a fork multiple times to aerate them, and microwave on high for ten minutes. [You may want to reduce this cooking time depending on the power of your microwave.]
  3. When the potatoes are cool enough to handle, cut in half and set aside.
  4. In the meantime, heat 1 Tbsp oil in a large, oven-safe skillet over medium heat.
  5. Season the chicken with salt and pepper [I also like the original Mrs. Dash instead of pepper, but it's up to you]
  6. Cook the chicken skin-side down in the skillet until crispy and golden brown (about 8-10 minutes).
  7. Remove the chicken from the skillet and set it aside skin-side-up on a plate.
  8. Add the remaining oil to the skillet along with the garlic, onions, red pepper and chopped rosemary and cook, stirring, for 2 min.
  9. Add in the potatoes and carrots and season with salt and pepper to taste. Toss to combine.
  10. Nestle the chicken in the skillet among the vegetables and garnish with rosemary sprigs.
  11. Roast the whole pan in the oven until the chicken is cooked and the vegetables are tender, about 30-35 minutes. (The FDA recommends chicken be cooked to a temperature of 165°F [about 74°C].)

Enjoy! And try not to cry too much when you're cutting up those vegetables; onion and rosemary and bell pepper is a powerful combination XD


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

I like hyperfocusing. It's so very satisfying. Brain is free! Brain follow whatever path it chooses. Doing shit feels good. I feel engaged.

How-fucking-ever, I hate that it means I can't remember shit else outside of that hyperfocus. Like eating the food I took time to prepare. Then forgetting about it for the entire time I'm hyper focusing. Being able to get up and prep a bowl to microwave. Successfully put it in the microwave, but then getting distracted and, even tho that microwave keeps beeping at me to go grab it, not being able to get the fuck up until I finish the task at hand. :')

It's so wonderful and awful. Goddamn.


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Dear merciful fuck okay. So I dicked around with my computer today because 1) - I got my cable extenders in like, Tuesday and hadn't had any will to go messing around on the insides, 2) - I needed to put my SSD on the inside of the computer, and 3) - I needed to at least have a set up for connecting a 3.5 inch mega bastard hard drive because the usb to sata cable I have doesn't (I assume) give the bitch enough power to function properly. And I'm glad I didn't intend to try and fuck with that hard drive because of the massive spook my graphics card just gave me.


So the good news is that the rats nest in the front is No More! Everything was very painstakingly tucked under the top and side panel. It was a huge pain in the ass trying everything in the book to get everyone lying flat and close enough that the side panel didn't bulge, but I got it all together. I swear to god I spent at least 30 minutes slightly adjusting about a billion cords, which was after the debacle that was getting all the cords to go where they needed to in the first place. Of which, during all that I ended up completely unplugging my LEDs and bumping a certain something a little bit too much.

The bad scare I had was when I powered everything up, first the cosmetic LEDs didn't come on, but everything else booted fine, which was an easy fix. I even got photos of everything after making sure those were working 100%. I assumed everything was hyper kosher and went about booting up my usual programs, including FFXIV, which I'd forgotten about when I started poking around waterfall. That's when I noticed that images had this very particular artifacts on them. :)

My reaction was as follows:

I then started moving stuff around and seeing what happened when I switched screens, reloaded windows, etc and witnessed extremely gut wrenching behavior that confirmed that yeah. This was my GPU fucking up. Not many things can cause those artifacts and whole assets in FFXIV (like my now black, textureless boots) to completely unload.

Of course I start panicing because ofc I do. This is the single most expensive part in my PC and its exactly the last part I'd want to fail. Replacing it at this point would be devastating and near impossible (not to mention costly both in time and money). But I pull my heart out of throat and my stomach up from my knees enough to think "god what must I have done to this thing". Of which, I hadn't thought I'd really done anything! As far as I knew, all I'd done is unplug its power cord, fiddle with shit round the back and plug the same power cord back in. But of course I knew that in the midst of fucking around with every other cord (especially that damn SSD who refused to stay seated and plugged in) I must have knocked it around a few times. So, as with most trouble shooting, start with the easiest stuff first. Maybe the connections are misaligned. So I unscrewed the back plate then unseated and reseated that hoe and turned it all back on to see if anything had changed.

And boy oh fucking boy am I glad to have, since, not seen a single graphical fuck up, because I didn't have anything else to try without spending 2 hours googling shit. Which probably would have disrupted my everything even more than just doing these fiddles and writing up this post has done, which is to say, before I started this task, I completely made a pan of food and planned 100% to get a bowl and sit down and watch something on my Chromecast, then maybe start poking around at my computer. Brain went haywire for approximately an hour and a half to two hours hyper focusing on getting this shit figured out and done. Hell, I'd actually stood up went "yeah fuck I need to go eat now" pranced into the kitchen and but a bowl in the microwave. Then I discovered my GPU being naughty and wrote up this post. I have yet to retrieve my bowl. (I'll get there eventually"""" )

Another set of good news; back before I'd built what I've dubbed "Starkid", when I was still using ye olde Memeshit Supreme (who has since been dissolved), I had tried to connect my wireless earbuds to my computer because that sounded super dope, I hadn't bought my wireless headset yet, and I really love my earbuds. :') Also, now that I have purchased and used my over the ear headset for a while, I can say that, while its really convenient and of good quality, if I wear it long enough, it get hella uncomfortable and starts to hurt. So for casual listening to shit and maybe a short call here and there, I would still like to have my earbuds available to use. But at the time, the bluetooth dongle I had wasn't fantastic and any audio I was getting was choppy as fuck. I even bought another bluetooth dongle with a grade higher bluetooth and it still wasn't enough.

Because of this, bluetooth was a heavy consideration when i was picking out motherboards way back in the planning stage of this computer. Which is to say, I wifi and bluetooth are built into my motherboard and I can screw on any antennae I'd like in order to utilize it. And, as I had hoped, its way fucking stronger than a USB dongle could ever hope to be and my earbuds work absolutely perfectly (so far. I haven't tried out the mic quality on them yet, but I've had phone calls on them and they've never seemed to have a problem. I'd assume they were the bottle neck for quality at this point).


star-rice(he/him)
kylogram
Time ago

Alisaie Leveilleur: Verthunder

Alisaie Leveilleur, easily my favourite of the twins!

Y'all should play FFXIV

Timelapse on Twitter!

Support me on patreon!


star-rice(he/him)
naiad(she/her or they/them)
Time ago
coffee

pupbees do the playful butt wiggle too cept they just buzz really loud instead of barking


star-rice(he/him)
star-rice(he/him)
Time ago
star-rice

So, I know how much Tumblr has memed the shit out of Cruella at this point so I wasn't sure quite how bad it was gonna be but uhhhh

Holy lord it's bad. Like, idk who decided this should be how it flows and how it should be executed, but oof. It's so badly written though.

I can say tho, Tumblr did not tell me lies about this movie. If you ever had a question about how anything is the way it is it's because they just want it to happen. It's worse than a super out there crack fic with the premise of making Cruella relatable and cool.

star-rice

No matter how rediculous you think this movie is, it's way more than you could ever even begin to expect.


star-rice

@naiad commented on this post:
I kind of want to watch it just to see how terrible it really is because I know it's gotta be so much worse than I'm thinking and I saw a pretty big list of the wild events that happen lmao

I will say, for the wild ride that this movie is and how terrible the writing is, it is entertaining. It's not a movie I would ever try to take seriously because you'll fucking hurt yourself trying to apply real world logic to it. It's the movie equivalent of snack food. It's fun but not intellectually fulfilling, and if you go into it with that in mind, you should have a pretty okay time, especially if you enjoy Emma Stone.



star-rice(he/him)
star-rice(he/him)
Time ago
star-rice

So, I know how much Tumblr has memed the shit out of Cruella at this point so I wasn't sure quite how bad it was gonna be but uhhhh

Holy lord it's bad. Like, idk who decided this should be how it flows and how it should be executed, but oof. It's so badly written though.

I can say tho, Tumblr did not tell me lies about this movie. If you ever had a question about how anything is the way it is it's because they just want it to happen. It's worse than a super out there crack fic with the premise of making Cruella relatable and cool.

star-rice

No matter how rediculous you think this movie is, it's way more than you could ever even begin to expect.



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