25 | He/Him | Masc Trans NB | Certified Dumbass | Supposedly an Adult
Dear motherfuckers with loudass cars who think its funny to be the loudest shithead on the planet,
Sincerely, the person with an anxiety disorder whom you just scared the living shit out of.
I have three moods.
I just realized I said 3 and wrote 4 bullet points.
I have three moods.
I have like 16 things minorly aggravating my anxiety and off that line I'm losing my shit, but because anxiety is Like That I'm spinning off onto shit like "wow, I dont think I've been this stressed out since I was in highschool" which is a lie but even recognizing that doesn't really help when I've been thinking about going back to college and am now bombarded with thoughts that I'd shits stressful rn, what will adding 3 college courses in top of it do?
mental health rambling
i guess where the big kicker comes in is when my anxiety meets my adhd. These two are the most dysfunctional roommates on thevface of planet earth. i have my anxiety telling me i need to do all these things and get x, y, and z in order but my goddamn executive dysfunction goes off everytime i feel just a little bit uneasy and the whole "start tasks" portion of my break just breaks down and can only be restarted every 45 minutes. unless a task isbsomething ibcan be fucking TRICKED into, it doesn't fucking happen. i have a bunch of little shit i need to fit in between one or two big, planned daily tasks. and just, it all gets overwhelming trying to start those smaller tasks (god forbid order them by order of most to least urgency) when im mentally prepparing for the bigger stuff. or worse i forget about those things and queue the xycle repeating. Remeber stressful thing > anxiety spike > anxiety wants me to do all the things immediately > overwhelm, cant even start one thing (im trying my best to keep myself out of this point and mitigate actions to be at least slightly productive when i am) > calm down, get comfortable and maybe functional again > forget about things while trying not to stress out > repeat
i keep coming to the conclusion that i need to treat both my anxiety and adhd, but given the above cycle and the knowledge that doctors are only availablr to make appintments 10-12 hours a day, 5 days a week, its very hard to time that cycle around getting the help i know i need Not to mention fitting said appt into my generally crazy fucking schedule. i get very genuine, euphoric sighs of relief when plans are cancelled or become less intense.
i ask myself "how did i ever get this anxious?" but the reality is that its always been therr, its just gotten worse with more and more stressors and its just more likely to boil over now.
i do know one thing though, and thats that my adhd is easier to corral and manage when im not wanting to vibrate off into space.
one of the gods of myr'seros, who is obviously a space deity. they're usually holed up on a big mountain.
I made a painting but cant get a decent photo of it and thats what pisses me off about doing traditional art
Today I realized that it'd be really fucking dope to see a car with glow in the dark paint.
Went to the eye doctor today and apparently I need to get an MRI as soon as possible because my optic nerve is incredibly swollen. The doctor told me that if I was his sister he would tell me to go to the emergency room immediately but I'm going to call around on Monday and and see who can get me in asap. Any good thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks guys.star-rice
Though that sounds way more alarming than whatever I had previously, I did have to have my eyes check out for swollen optic nerves. Is it one or both? I'd definitely follow up on it as soon as possible, especially if your vision starts getting at all funky. I'm sure he told you what some of the more alarming long term concerns are. I was about to say "i never had an MRI done for it" but I honestly can't, for the life of me, remember. I have had an MRI before, but cannot remember if it was for this or not. I know I did have a spinal tap done though, so if that ends up in the cards and you wanna talk about how terrifying that sounds, feel free to hit me up.
Here's hoping it ends up not being super serious.
Like my work? Buy me a coffee
Inspired by this delightful picture! (shown under cut)
Someone: How do you sleep?
A sane person: I sleep on my side!
Another sane person: I sleep on my back!
A slightly less sane person: I sleep on my stomach!
Me: I sleep like a rotisserie chicken.
Bought some cherry scented lotion a couple days ago and I just realized why I like it so much.
Whenever anyone makes anything "soda scented" (I've had a few dr. Pepper themed lip balms) the primary scent is cherry because that's usually a big flavor in most colas (even if it isn't specifically cherry flavored), especially the Texas favorite: Dr. Pepper
Good luck with your surgery and I hope you recover quickly and comfortably ♥
Here's hoping! It wont be until like, mid May I think and its all being done laproscopically so I'm not too worried. My past experience with surgeries has me optomistic. My top surgery recovery went pretty good (my tonsillectomy kicked my ass more ngl) so I'm betting on more of the same.
My OBGYN's office just called me to tell me they're ready to schedule my hysterectomy and that insurance seemed chill with it. Absolutely stoked to yeet away these awful organs.
I'm the kind of tired right now where your eyes hurt and all you want to do is go back to bed. Like viscerally, you're convinced that this is all your heart has ever wanted... And you have to go to work.
Had a zoom call with my Dr and he ask about my cats and I got to show him Frank being a weird ass live and she was sitting like this.
So so tired. Day was exhausting. I just wanna eat my steak, smoke a fattie and go to bed....
college is a fucking scam lmao (in the USA at least)
i have students who got 50s on an open notebook exam where the average is an 80 and students who got 30s on a report with an average of 60 and the professor said she was going to pass them all, even when it's obvious from their assignments that they have 0 clue what's going on and don't care to actually understand
what's even the point then? why even make students go to class? just tell them to hand over $60,000 and give them the degree instead of letting up continuously fail upwards
it dilutes the value of degrees, especially for students who know their stuff and actually try in class. like that's why they say undergraduate degrees are worthless when it comes to getting a job, because employers know unqualified graduates are everywhere. now you have to waste even more money on a master's or a phd, which is more $$$ in the colleges' pockets and more time that students have to waste away in schools.
and when does a master's degree also become worthless? when will every student have to do a phd and stay in school from age 4 to age 28 just so employers won't throw their resumes in the trash?
education is fucked
and like... what is this teaching the students? they're not stupid, they'll realize they won't have to do any work in order to succeed (and the TAs will be stuck wasting time grading them and giving them feedback that they won't take). they'll also think that they know what's going on, when in reality, they seriously don't and would be woefully unprepared for employment.
oh my good merciful god. for the first time in like a week, i feel tired at a pretty normal and acceptable time to go to bed
C Francesco Veronesi, CC 2.0
C Leonel Roget, CC 4.0
Healing potion designs ✨
Fancy versions, because your character deserves to feel like a star when chugging that sweet sweet life juice
Spotify: Spotify desktop just got simpler!
Me: You made it more like mobile. Didn't you. You bastards....star-rice
I've officially gone through the trouble of installing Spicetify despite the fact that this is more effort on my part.
However, I think I've earned some goodies for my effort because this shit lets me inject extra shit into spotify, like a more competent shuffler and a lyrics app. B)
Spotify: Spotify desktop just got simpler!
Me: You made it more like mobile. Didn't you. You bastards....