I Aspire To Have An Original Thought... One Day

25 | He/Him | Masc Trans NB | Certified Dumbass | Supposedly an Adult

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star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

So, I already hated the idea of Microsoft Office 365. Like, its objectively bad instantly because its a subscription based service and, in the same way as I will never join Adobe in their pay to play hell, Microsoft can eat a whole dick about it. I guess its whatever because I was never gonna pay full price for any of their products literally ever. Never have, never will. But I'm super hacked off that Microsoft has completely destroyed any avenue for downloading and activating previous Office versions. Like, I have a key. A real key that I bought probably about 6 years ago (iirc) and I just cant move Office 2016 to my new PC because I can't find a download that isn't from some third party I don't trust.

Like at this point I might as well just torrent a cracked version of this bitch (and I just might). But for now I'm just mad because, while this probably happened a couple years ago, their insistence on connecting keys to accounts and running everything through their bullshit systems while also completely trashing and burning older versions of their software just to promote their bullshit subscription service is infuriating. Like what's next? We gonna have to pay a subscription for Windows 11? Never be allowed access to Windows 10 ever again. Fuck Keys, who needs 'em when access to world standard operating system is compulsory and locked behind a recurrent paywall.


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

I am so ungodly excited for this PC. Like, other than being better and running 1 billion% smoother than my present rig, I'm excited to work on electronics again. It's a very specific type of puzzle for my brain and it's such an expensive hobby that it's almost always inaccessible to me. It's something I really enjoy and take pride in and I'm just so highly anxious and elated at the same time.


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Its official, I've started buying parts for my new PC 👀

It started with the case, which is a largely non-negotiable item whose price doesn't fluctuate to much and would really kind of make it "real". I could start really doubling down and visualizing the dream.

Then I found the processor I wanted for $100 less than normal and could not pass that up.

Probably gonna lose my entire mind when this fucking case comes in, istg.


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Shit post idea: the begining audio for Infinitesimal by Mother Mother but the weird breathing is replaced by the noise Elson's make when you talk to them in the game OFF.


star-rice(he/him)
ocdranboo
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Is it any wonder that I feel so alive the day after spending one night with my S/O? Like it's that really all it takes? Nothing to do but just be in each other's company? Share a lazy ass morning?


star-rice(he/him)
thellere(he/him)
Time ago
thellere

So fucking tempted to just fold. That one guy sitting behind you getting on with the wave. I hope he's rocking a captain's hat. And I hope there's a cool logo on his t-shirt. But fuck it. It's ok. I'm just gonna let it go. I'm like, 'Oh you know what I love? Having my t-shirt torn off' because I like me some torn off t-shirts.

I love it when a dude in my party comes over to our table and we're both like, 'Yeah, I'm going to buy us a keg! We're fucking keg kings. We're like the Twinkie King of Sweden!'


star-rice(he/him)
coffee(she/they)
Time ago
lovecubus asked:

g i b e n e s t

coffee

nest in bed mode

got company? separate them out and position as two floor seating "couches"

nostalgic for an actual couch? just stack them on top of each other and lounge on your newly created pillow divan

guarenteed the best reason to chop a foam bed in half


star-rice(he/him)
star-rice(he/him)
Time ago
star-rice

One of my favorite things: happy sounding songs with a real good bear that, if you listen for half a second, is filled with so much spite.

star-rice

@UnidentifiedBlog

The two immediate songs I was thinking of are "Don't Ask Me" by Ok Go and "It's Not My Fault I'm Happy" by Passion Pit, but honestly, Passion Pit is just really good at that genre in general. They have some good, happy sounding vent music. Take A Walk isn't spiteful, but it's definitely some story telling with lots of emotion at the heart (also, if you're to have heard one of their songs, that's one of the ones I'd bet on).



star-rice(he/him)
waterfall(she/he)
Time ago
waterfall

me: im not gonna make a birdsona im not gonna make a birdsona i dont even know how theyd hold things-

the rito: *exist*

me:......... oh fuck-


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
babushka(he/she, он/она/)
Time ago

The Birb (California quail) - oil pastel drawing

This cheeky bird is a classy addition to any room, and its perfect for any bird fan. Its oil pastel on stretched canvas. Canvas measures 5x5 inches. Theres no varnish or fixative, so it is a delicate illustration. **I typically get orders out in a few days. The estimated 1-2 weeks is to give me


star-rice(he/him)
thellere(he/him)
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Every once in a while the idea wiggles into my brain that, for the first time in my entire goddamn life... I might have a legit shit person to celebrate Valentine's with...

Like, for reference, Valentine's is also my birthday. But I feel like I've used it as a crutch for so long to not give a shit about Valentine's day proper.


Sure it's a merchandising holiday used to sell flowers and chocolates and cards n shit. But you know what? It's still woven into the fabric of our society and culture. And for me, a person has never had a serious relationship anywhere near the realm of romantic..... It's exciting! My stupid little gay heart might get to participate in the nonsense that is picking up and giving flowers to someone you give a shit about.

Like I've said previously, IDFK what this is. But my head's playing back everything over and over and over, scouring it for any indication that this isn't both of us seriously scoping out a possible relationship. Nothing has come up as a red flag, I'm still playing it overly cautious for sure (if only because I'm terrified of overstepping any boundaries), but everything has been overwhelmingly positive?

They've slept over 3 nights already. I've honest to God gotten to be close with another human being in a way I've only ever dreamed of. They're an absolute proper dude who has given a shit about me the entire way round. We've seemingly been entirely on the same page so far.

It was really cold one morning and we joked about how awful it would be to have to get dressed just to like, go to the bathroom. I lamented that I didn't have a robe or something for them to steal. They mentioned having an extra at home. Not only did I offer for them to keep one in my room for the occasion, they offered to just let me have it. Next day they show up with this really nice, fuzzy, Heather grey robe. It still smells like them....

We were discussing when they'd be over next and when we worked, and I'm trying not to overstep at all. They naturally just came to the conclusion that since we work at the same place and we're both opening, they should stay over and we should go to work together. Like. I'm over here like "awe well at least we both work so it makes sense to not spend the night- wait you mean stay over and go together?!"

I'm losing it! Like, my heart is about to burst it's so full of love that someone would actually give a shit about me this much!? Wants to spend time with me!? Absurd. Hold me while I fall asleep and, vice versa, dose off in my arms!? What is happening!!!


star-rice(he/him)
babushka(he/she, он/она/)
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
thellere(he/him)
Time ago
An Anonymous user asked:

If you need some money for the site now but don't want to take donations what about preorders for premium? I'd preorder

thellere

TBF that's kind of what the kickstarter was for lmao

The only way RIGHT NOW to give us money is by buying a bunch of blog slots

There is a Kofi floating around out there as well but the link is not on the site for the same reasons given in the previous post about it

Enough folks have asked for this stuff so I mightt make extra blog slots transferrable later so folks can do that in the meantime so you can like... gift them, the same way you'll be able to gift subscriptions

star-rice

I need you to personally @ me when this is implemented so I can hand those fuckers out like candy


thellere

I mean if you really, REALLY want to you can buy them now and then convert them to keys/direct transfer later

Obviously though only do it if you're certain (I'll remove the quantity per purchase tomorrow since that'll get annoying/saves us fees


star-rice

I might.

I assume you can't make a blog, transfer ownership and then be removed from the blog in any easy or agreeable fashion? (like right now?)



star-rice(he/him)
thellere(he/him)
Time ago
An Anonymous user asked:

If you need some money for the site now but don't want to take donations what about preorders for premium? I'd preorder

thellere

TBF that's kind of what the kickstarter was for lmao

The only way RIGHT NOW to give us money is by buying a bunch of blog slots

There is a Kofi floating around out there as well but the link is not on the site for the same reasons given in the previous post about it

Enough folks have asked for this stuff so I mightt make extra blog slots transferrable later so folks can do that in the meantime so you can like... gift them, the same way you'll be able to gift subscriptions

star-rice

I need you to personally @ me when this is implemented so I can hand those fuckers out like candy



star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Went feral cleaning today in both good and bad ways. Good because my cleaning one of the counters and all the appliances on them inspired two of my room mates to fuck up the dishes, which spiralled into us cleaning the window sill, then the kitchen window got cleaned and Witchesflower put up curtains. Little things just kept getting done. The spice rack I got for Christmas 2018 finally got put up, then we had to move over the spices. Then we had more space where the spices formerly were, so we rearranged another cupboard. It just kept going for hours. Which, its good! So much got done! I'm so happy the kitchen finally feels somewhat close to something human beings use. I'm dead ass tired now ofc but thats also fine.

(TL;DR - I'm pissed and stressed, but at least I have my shit together and I'm ideally setting myself up for success)

Whats shitty is that my mind wont let me enjoy it. It keeps circling back to the other three roommates and how they will likely not respect all the goddamn work we put into it. Like istg if they do anything but leave the damn thing just as clean (if not cleaner) than when they found it, I'm going to start slitting throats. And I so much want to start insisting to them that this needs to happen. This needs ot happen or I'm going to lose it. But I know this is going to be met with "dude we always keep our shit clean, calm down, we promise we'll keep it clean" or worse they'll brush me off. I just. I'm so desperate to live in a house that doesn't actively wear down my mental health. I have a few more months before I move out, and its comforting that I know for certain what I didn't know (or perhaps wasn't capable of): Keeping a house clean. Like its fucked that I had to learn this out of desperation by picking up after fucked house mates, but its comforting to know that I have this skill and I am reasonably certain I'll be able to be a really good room mate going forward (cleaning wise). I have built up some really good habits and if I'm diligent (which I should be given that I'm terrified of letting things get so fucked I can't fix them) I can reliably keep my spaces clean.

It feels mildy depressing to do all this cleaning and getting shit back to zero only to fuck off and not really be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor for too long, but thats just bad thinking. I need the next few months to go relatively smoothly and the mood boost (or at least, lack of mood detriment) from the kitchen should go a long way (assuming it doesn't cause more conflict). I am genuinely worried it'll be a point of contention though. Between me cleaning wildly every time I notice something out of place and then being unendingly pissed that a mess was left in the first place and that I had to clean it up, I might lose it on the boys. But I'm fucking sick of living in filth. Today I got to touch our counters without feeling like it'd bite me back. I could put my face to the counters and it felt like tile and not gross uncleaned filth upon filth. Today has been a lot of unpacking how much I've been having to overlook on a daily basis because if I were to look at every mess in full detail every day, my mind would eject itself out of its body and into the garbage. It was so bad that just the idea of going back to that sends my mind spiralling. I haven't even gotten to enjoy the cleanliness (really) and I'm already lamenting its loss again.

I hate living like this! And I mean that in both the sense of, I hate the fear that Im going to lose all the things I've worked for! And I hate the filth that living here spirals into.

But I know its not me. Sure, my rooms a little cluttered, surface wise, but I keep things off my floor. I sweep. I have regularly decluttered and wiped down my desk. I change my bed. My laundry gets done. I have two birds and two cats to look after who absolutely have to come first. I'm not gonna say I'm perfect when it comes to cleaning my dishes as I use them (I swear to god I'm the only person who trieds to clean their dishes as theyre cooking), but I do my load of dishes on the day I'm supposed to (and recently, the day before if I know I wont have the energy for it the next day) AND IVE BEEN WORKING 32-40 HOUR WEEKS. Two of my problematic room mates don't have jobs. And I'm the 3rd room mates primary form of transportation most days. Like no fucking shit I'm exhausted. Is it too fucking unreasonable to come home to a house that isn't a goddamn disaster??? Especially when I'm no where near the reason its a disaster?!

I'm not up my room mates asses to clean their room or anything. I try to be lax with the living room because they're the primary users of that space. But its so fucking infuriating when they can't help keep the kitchen clean. Every single person uses the goddamn kitchen and it feels so disproportionate on who does the cleaning. In that regard I don't feel respected, like all the work I put into trying to keep things together is just inconveinancing them. Every time I ask them to help or do something it's met with disdain and I'm sick of it.

Of course all this is why I want out (in addition to this house, structurally, being a shit show. I can't remember if I complained about the leaky ass roof actively trying to ruin my life). I've already tried damn near everything to get these fuckers to cooperate and act like they actually give a damn about living here and being at least half way decent house mates. I've jumped through everything mentally about how they can actually live like this, why they wont change, juggling the changes they have made and how its just not good enough (and me complaining about it will just discourage anything).

I just wanna live with people who give a fuck about the place we live and will respect me and my boundaries. And I know the two people I'm moving in with will do that. I couldn't imagine a scenario where they'd do the opposite. I'm so excited to be living with them again, too. I'm so excited to be doing better even if its gonna have new and different challenges (primarily monetarily, I feel, but I'm probably worrying too much). May cannot come soon enough. I'm ready to live a different life. Hopefully it's a life where I have more free time and less stress. Hopefully it's a life where I don't feel tethered and stuck. A life where I'm in a place to grow and be free, because, as it stands, I don't feel like I'm free. I feel like if I try to add anything else to my plate I'll explode, or worse, absolutely break down.

It's a fucking miracle I haven't broken down, to be honest. I've wanted to. So badly have I wanted to break down. To cry. To sob. To yell. To be absolutely, inconsolably fucked up. It would be such a good release of all these emotions. But I can't. And I don't know why. I figure it's two parts testosterone and one part if I break down, everything will get worse and I guess, deep down, I wont let things not function. The cogs still need to turn. I still need people to get along with me. I still live with people who rely on me, esp the one I work with. I wish I could drop that for like, 2 hours. Squeeze it in somewhere to let myself be vulnerable. I don't have to keep up these strong walls when its just myself, I don't have to hide from myself, but it seems I've worked myself into a place where I can't even open up to myself in a truly meaningful way and that's deeply worrying.

I mean, its either that or I've lost the ability to do that through the hormone changes. Which would fucking suck. As it stand the only reliable way I have of letting off steam is yelling about shit (both literally and figuratively). I don't want to release emotional pressure in a negative and destructive manner, but I'm not the same emotionally as I was a year ago. I'm not blind to my peronality changes. I don't like it either. I'm trying my best to come to grips with shit, but my memory is fucked (ie, I can't really summon a clear picture of how I used to feel and act much less compare now with then) and I don't exactly have the space mentally or physically to feel things out.

Which is (one of the reasons) why I've gone back into therapy, though it hasn't been proceding as ideally as I'd like bc of all the delays in appointment scheduling (which is another story, but to make it short I had to schedule the first appointment like, a month and a half in the future and I fucked up by not setting up the online portal thing way back when which is conveinantly how you're supposed to do all future scheduling). I think I have it all back on track again. This is the one thing I've been desperately trying to work into my weekly grind because I know I need it. Hell, I probably needed this 6 months to a year ago, but better late then never. It will be infinitely beneficial to be aquainted with my new therapist now, so by the time I'm moved into the new place, if I need to cut back for monetary reasons, I can and it won't be a detriment to miss those sessions.

I have so much going for me. I'm just waiting for the pieces to fall into place. There is a future. I won't be stuck for too much longer. I just gotta bide my time and do what I can in the meanwhile. It's all gonna be okay. I'm just losing it a little right now, and that's also okay, even if its only okay because it has to be.


star-rice(he/him)
thellere(he/him)
Time ago
coffee

oh shit i just realized my birthday is in a month

thellere

birth


coffee

#how the fuck am i older than you #your shit seems WAY more put together than mine does

CBSVDKSHTD EXCUSE ME

to answer your question thell, ONE of us has created a semi successful social media website and the other works in retail <span data-mce-bogus="1" data-mce-type="format-caret" id="_mce_caret">👀</span>


thellere

<span data-mce-bogus="1" data-mce-type="format-caret" id="_mce_caret">bitch I had to ask for help boiling an EGG last year because I couldn't fathom how to put it into the boiling water withoput hurting myself</span>



star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
goat-ish
Time ago
star-rice

Just finished all those asks. Have a picture of the good boy.

[[IMAGE:[[37989

babushka

is that night vale


goat-ish

it totally is, also! Is that a dove? it looks so cute!!


star-rice

@babushka @gloatbee Yup! That’s nightvale and that’s our white ring-necked dove, Zen! <3



star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

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