I Aspire To Have An Original Thought... One Day
25 | He/Him | Masc Trans NB | Certified Dumbass | Supposedly an Adult
Dissociating in the McDonalds. Got the double whammy really fucking loud music that is currently playing "stop" by the spice girls.
I'd have to question what fucking decade it was if the McDonalds experience wasn't drastically different than it used to be.
Was thinking about how I'll have to grab food on my way to boyfs house from work and then Papa called and asked if I wanted anything from whataburger 😭
My father is a blessing
So I still get ma'am from time to time while I'm working. And I realize it's because of my face shape. Being a bit overweight doesn't help (fat people have to perform gender more to look less androgenous yada yada). But I think I e figured out something. Unfortunately not in mitigating getting called ma'am, but with being okay with it.
I had a guy today say "thank you sir" then he stuttered, corrected himself incorrectly to "ma'am" and apologized. I was perturbed by it, it actually made me chuckle, because as a nonbinary person who only conforms to gender stuff to get a better response, confusing the shit out of a dude is amusing beyond belief. But it reminded me that the way I am viewed is innately more masculine. Even if they clock my AGAB. That ma'am did not mean he saw me as some little girl, definately not someone super femme, but in more of a butch way. Which, I probably get gender envy from butch women more than I ever have before. So is it so bad to catch a ma'am every once in a while?
Obviously I'm doing gender gymnastics on my head about this, but it's refreshing to come out with "huh, that's not too terrible? Maybe a tiny but heartwarming even" instead of microanalyzing why one would perceive me as female and how do I prevent it in the future?
It also helps that the guy who was buying from me was sweet and seemed like he was genuinely trying to be respectful, but as with anyone, it's impossible to know for sure with anyone non-cis.
star-riceAbout to go absolutely batshit on the fucking endermen screwing around in my house.
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Seriously, this is the SECOND TIME they've bip bopped around and broken a whole set of double doors.
Can't have shit in detroit.
About to go absolutely batshit on the fucking endermen screwing around in my house.
I like hyperfocusing. It's so very satisfying. Brain is free! Brain follow whatever path it chooses. Doing shit feels good. I feel engaged.
How-fucking-ever, I hate that it means I can't remember shit else outside of that hyperfocus. Like eating the food I took time to prepare. Then forgetting about it for the entire time I'm hyper focusing. Being able to get up and prep a bowl to microwave. Successfully put it in the microwave, but then getting distracted and, even tho that microwave keeps beeping at me to go grab it, not being able to get the fuck up until I finish the task at hand. :')
It's so wonderful and awful. Goddamn.
Dear merciful fuck okay. So I dicked around with my computer today because 1) - I got my cable extenders in like, Tuesday and hadn't had any will to go messing around on the insides, 2) - I needed to put my SSD on the inside of the computer, and 3) - I needed to at least have a set up for connecting a 3.5 inch mega bastard hard drive because the usb to sata cable I have doesn't (I assume) give the bitch enough power to function properly. And I'm glad I didn't intend to try and fuck with that hard drive because of the massive spook my graphics card just gave me.
So the good news is that the rats nest in the front is No More! Everything was very painstakingly tucked under the top and side panel. It was a huge pain in the ass trying everything in the book to get everyone lying flat and close enough that the side panel didn't bulge, but I got it all together. I swear to god I spent at least 30 minutes slightly adjusting about a billion cords, which was after the debacle that was getting all the cords to go where they needed to in the first place. Of which, during all that I ended up completely unplugging my LEDs and bumping a certain something a little bit too much.
The bad scare I had was when I powered everything up, first the cosmetic LEDs didn't come on, but everything else booted fine, which was an easy fix. I even got photos of everything after making sure those were working 100%. I assumed everything was hyper kosher and went about booting up my usual programs, including FFXIV, which I'd forgotten about when I started poking around waterfall. That's when I noticed that images had this very particular artifacts on them. :)
My reaction was as follows:
I then started moving stuff around and seeing what happened when I switched screens, reloaded windows, etc and witnessed extremely gut wrenching behavior that confirmed that yeah. This was my GPU fucking up. Not many things can cause those artifacts and whole assets in FFXIV (like my now black, textureless boots) to completely unload.
Of course I start panicing because ofc I do. This is the single most expensive part in my PC and its exactly the last part I'd want to fail. Replacing it at this point would be devastating and near impossible (not to mention costly both in time and money). But I pull my heart out of throat and my stomach up from my knees enough to think "god what must I have done to this thing". Of which, I hadn't thought I'd really done anything! As far as I knew, all I'd done is unplug its power cord, fiddle with shit round the back and plug the same power cord back in. But of course I knew that in the midst of fucking around with every other cord (especially that damn SSD who refused to stay seated and plugged in) I must have knocked it around a few times. So, as with most trouble shooting, start with the easiest stuff first. Maybe the connections are misaligned. So I unscrewed the back plate then unseated and reseated that hoe and turned it all back on to see if anything had changed.
And boy oh fucking boy am I glad to have, since, not seen a single graphical fuck up, because I didn't have anything else to try without spending 2 hours googling shit. Which probably would have disrupted my everything even more than just doing these fiddles and writing up this post has done, which is to say, before I started this task, I completely made a pan of food and planned 100% to get a bowl and sit down and watch something on my Chromecast, then maybe start poking around at my computer. Brain went haywire for approximately an hour and a half to two hours hyper focusing on getting this shit figured out and done. Hell, I'd actually stood up went "yeah fuck I need to go eat now" pranced into the kitchen and but a bowl in the microwave. Then I discovered my GPU being naughty and wrote up this post. I have yet to retrieve my bowl. (I'll get there eventually"""" )
Another set of good news; back before I'd built what I've dubbed "Starkid", when I was still using ye olde Memeshit Supreme (who has since been dissolved), I had tried to connect my wireless earbuds to my computer because that sounded super dope, I hadn't bought my wireless headset yet, and I really love my earbuds. :') Also, now that I have purchased and used my over the ear headset for a while, I can say that, while its really convenient and of good quality, if I wear it long enough, it get hella uncomfortable and starts to hurt. So for casual listening to shit and maybe a short call here and there, I would still like to have my earbuds available to use. But at the time, the bluetooth dongle I had wasn't fantastic and any audio I was getting was choppy as fuck. I even bought another bluetooth dongle with a grade higher bluetooth and it still wasn't enough.
Because of this, bluetooth was a heavy consideration when i was picking out motherboards way back in the planning stage of this computer. Which is to say, I wifi and bluetooth are built into my motherboard and I can screw on any antennae I'd like in order to utilize it. And, as I had hoped, its way fucking stronger than a USB dongle could ever hope to be and my earbuds work absolutely perfectly (so far. I haven't tried out the mic quality on them yet, but I've had phone calls on them and they've never seemed to have a problem. I'd assume they were the bottle neck for quality at this point).
star-riceSo, I know how much Tumblr has memed the shit out of Cruella at this point so I wasn't sure quite how bad it was gonna be but uhhhh
I can say tho, Tumblr did not tell me lies about this movie. If you ever had a question about how anything is the way it is it's because they just want it to happen. It's worse than a super out there crack fic with the premise of making Cruella relatable and cool.
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No matter how rediculous you think this movie is, it's way more than you could ever even begin to expect.
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@naiad commented on this post:
I kind of want to watch it just to see how terrible it really is because I know it's gotta be so much worse than I'm thinking and I saw a pretty big list of the wild events that happen lmao
I will say, for the wild ride that this movie is and how terrible the writing is, it is entertaining. It's not a movie I would ever try to take seriously because you'll fucking hurt yourself trying to apply real world logic to it. It's the movie equivalent of snack food. It's fun but not intellectually fulfilling, and if you go into it with that in mind, you should have a pretty okay time, especially if you enjoy Emma Stone.
star-riceSo, I know how much Tumblr has memed the shit out of Cruella at this point so I wasn't sure quite how bad it was gonna be but uhhhh
I can say tho, Tumblr did not tell me lies about this movie. If you ever had a question about how anything is the way it is it's because they just want it to happen. It's worse than a super out there crack fic with the premise of making Cruella relatable and cool.
star-rice
No matter how rediculous you think this movie is, it's way more than you could ever even begin to expect.
So, I know how much Tumblr has memed the shit out of Cruella at this point so I wasn't sure quite how bad it was gonna be but uhhhh
I can say tho, Tumblr did not tell me lies about this movie. If you ever had a question about how anything is the way it is it's because they just want it to happen. It's worse than a super out there crack fic with the premise of making Cruella relatable and cool.
Dear lord, my store manager sets my anxiety off so goddamn bad. Thank God I still had my break to take to destress because jfc.
Man, I keep wondering why I feel like ass and it may have everything to do with me only having eaten a salad and a handful of cheezits and only drank an insignificant amount of water and like, 2 glasses of tea since I woke up at 10am. It's coming up on 2am and I have a headache and want to go to bed, but I know that if I don't at least put some starches in me I'm gonna feel even worse in the morning. Hnnnnng, this is what I get for hyper focusing on PC all day.
So, I already hated the idea of Microsoft Office 365. Like, its objectively bad instantly because its a subscription based service and, in the same way as I will never join Adobe in their pay to play hell, Microsoft can eat a whole dick about it. I guess its whatever because I was never gonna pay full price for any of their products literally ever. Never have, never will. But I'm super hacked off that Microsoft has completely destroyed any avenue for downloading and activating previous Office versions. Like, I have a key. A real key that I bought probably about 6 years ago (iirc) and I just cant move Office 2016 to my new PC because I can't find a download that isn't from some third party I don't trust.
Like at this point I might as well just torrent a cracked version of this bitch (and I just might). But for now I'm just mad because, while this probably happened a couple years ago, their insistence on connecting keys to accounts and running everything through their bullshit systems while also completely trashing and burning older versions of their software just to promote their bullshit subscription service is infuriating. Like what's next? We gonna have to pay a subscription for Windows 11? Never be allowed access to Windows 10 ever again. Fuck Keys, who needs 'em when access to world standard operating system is compulsory and locked behind a recurrent paywall.
Yesterday I got a knock on the door and when I answered it the man asked IF MY PARENTS WERE HOME. AND I HAD TO INFORM HIM THAT I AM IN FACT 25.
Its official, I've started buying parts for my new PC 👀
It started with the case, which is a largely non-negotiable item whose price doesn't fluctuate to much and would really kind of make it "real". I could start really doubling down and visualizing the dream.
Then I found the processor I wanted for $100 less than normal and could not pass that up.
Probably gonna lose my entire mind when this fucking case comes in, istg.
Been away from waterfall for two weeks. (Understandably, I've been having A Time™) It honestly seems much longer, ngl. Hopefully I'm back for a bit and my brain doesn't turn to sludge against.
jasvinfelloverI'm in that kinda mood again where I'm listing to my sappy love songs playlist and also adding to it. You and Me by Lifehouse was recommended and the title sounded vaguely familiar so I hit play and the nostalgia hit me so hard I teared up within the first 10 fucking seconds and I don't even know why
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Ngl I haven't heard the song in a long long time (and I'd never really known it by name, it's just a 00s staple) and I haven't sang it in a similarly long time and of course i put it on because of this post and it was very very fun to sing it with my increasingly deeper range.
star-riceI think my air conditioner in my car needs work again 🙃 fuck
I got in my car that had been in he parking lot for maybe 2 hours and it felt like death and it's so humid my glasses fogged up completely.
Texas is great 🙃
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Worst part is that I'm p sure I know what the problem is, it's just not something I'm able or willing to fix myself and it's a problem that's endemic to my make and model. And just sigh. Last time it broke my AC still kind of worked solidly, but this time it's nearly 100% non functional. Definately not enough to beat the windows down.
I think my air conditioner in my car needs work again 🙃 fuck
I got in my car that had been in he parking lot for maybe 2 hours and it felt like death and it's so humid my glasses fogged up completely.
Texas is great 🙃
Putting Final Fantasy XIV on my SSD was the best thing I have ever done.
Well thats a new one.
When I was picking up my prescriptions the pharmacist assumed I couldn't be the female patient the prescriptions were for (yay for passing????) and starting talking to me like I was picking up the meds for someone else. I didn't have the time or the mind to offer a correction since I was actively confused so I just... had a conversation about myself in the third person??? Very wild way to get misgendered for sure.
star-riceIncredibly aggitated and frustrated today for no reason other than I finally have medications and everything feels different and I'm trying to adjust.
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I got home from work and just passed out. Like, the way I've been feeling is just depression and its alarming because I haven't had to go face to face with this flavor of depression in years. And the irritability has not gone away. Thats also alarming because I can feel how irrational it is.
I just feel like I need time and either that there isn't any or there are still so many things I need to do! And just haven't the will or the energy, but I'm doing them anyway, and I can feel that pressure, that I'm running myself thin too quickly. And I cant tell if thats a new feeling or, now that my brain chemistry has been flipped, I can feel it way more prominently.
The tornado sirens are going off and I'm still working and people are still buying cigarettes at my open air kiosk 🙃
Behold, Texas everybody.
God I am so excited for Pokemon Snap and hanging out with mine Boy tomorrow. It's gonna be good. 😌
As terrifying as it is for a phone line to be completely silent, I actually adore when a company doesn't have hold music if only because whatever phone transmitted sound they're going to have for me is either going to be an auditory nightmare and/or an advertisement/needless information. I'll take the silence. Thanks.