I Aspire To Have An Original Thought... One Day

25 | He/Him | Masc Trans NB | Certified Dumbass | Supposedly an Adult

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star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Man, I think I've always had a problem with gender binaries where one of the prominent features is covered chest vs not covered chest. Like no matter what else is present in the obvious female/male dynamic, the "boobs is always female" thing gets to me. I know now it's because I'm trans and nonbinary, but this really speaks to how much I've always been, and will continue to be, gender nonconforming.


star-rice(he/him)
goropancakechi
Time ago


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
naiad(she/her or they/them)
Time ago
persephone

i just think it's rude that i have to go to work instead of getting to keep bees, tend an orchard, sing freely, and swim in the sunshine


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
jasvinfellover(She/They)
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
star-rice(he/him)
Time ago
star-rice

Of course the one day I go to bed early, my body forces my ass up at 4am.

star-rice

9am is much better you dumb body.



star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Me: -logs into pillowfort to check if anything news changed layout wise-

Pillowfort, immediately: -asks for a donation-

Me: should I just? log out? Like? Is it going that badly for ya'll?????


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Under the cut bc talk about dr appointment, afab anatomy and anxiety.


God I am full of anxiety rn. Like I started the trip out to my OB/GYN a little anxiety while driving. At the appointment (where they were doing a colposcopy to biopsy my cervix bc my last PAP smear came back slightly weird) I was fine and then my brain lost it a little and sent my anxiety through the roof. Like nothing happened, brain just went on the fritz and my anxiety at 10, which made my drive home a bit antsy. Which I guess there's also the residual feeling after the biopsy. Feels like a menstrual cramp, which isn't the worst, but its definately odd and uncomfortable, especially because I haven't had anything like that in a long while (since HRT just kinda turns all that off eventually, though with mono and having to stop T because of that, all those systems had started turning back on which is 🙃). Thats just like, a cherry on top of all this, though.

Worst part being though? When you can actively recognize that theres nothing to be anxious about. Like you get anxiety over the thing and you logic your way into "oh yeah, no, the anxiety makes no sense. I am completely safe. I don't need to worry about this." and still the physical symptoms continue and you're still on edge.

For example, pulling out of my spot at the dr office, a car was behind me, but the car next to me was obscuring my view of the driver. They were just sitting there, I thought they would just drive past me but were stopped bc they saw my reverse lights come on, so I wait obscenely long for them to go past.

They were waiting for me to pull out and leave bc they wanted my spot and eventually they just get pissed with me and go somewhere else. I got lots of anxiety about this for a moment until I soothed myself with "dude, you can drive away. You dont have to see or talk to these people ever. Its cool. Making stupid mistakes is not the end of the world. Its not an indicator of your overall person. It's not even a data point on a graph indicating a trend. It ain't that fuckin deep." But still I had to have that thought process at all instead of shrugging it off and not thinking anything of it. My brain immediately went to "oh fuck im fucking up gdi" instead of "oh, well how the fuck should I have known?" You know, the process where you don't immeidately blame yourself?

Anyway, just repeat that like 7 times over to varying degress and thats been my morning.


star-rice(he/him)
goropancakechi
Time ago
goropancakechi

Anyway my plan of ignoring my feelings™ and hiding from them under my blanket is going great so that's a win for me

star-rice

When ever I got major feels about crushes I legit would journal about it which I almost really fuckin wished I hadn't bc those papers still exist but also it made me obsess over said people more. So, not even gonna lie? Perfect strategy. Wish I'd done it.



star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Why am I so lethargic? Why am I so sad? Why am I still dehydrated? I keep just dumping water into my mouth. Why am I not hungry? I've eaten so little in the past 18 hours. Why is this a chore now?


star-rice(he/him)
goropancakechi
Time ago
goropancakechi

Do you ever just wake up, think "I'm just gonna close my eyes for 2 more minutes" and then wake up again 4 hours later

star-rice

Dude I'll accidentally do this during movies. I've done this so hard during movies that I'll blink and go "wait, wtf is goingon, whats happeneing?! This movies awful! Why did that happen!" and all my friends will wonder if I've actually gone insane when really all that happened was I just slept through key portions of the movie and nobody (not even me) realized.



star-rice(he/him)
star-rice(he/him)
Time ago
star-rice

Why do cashews have to be so fucking good and also so damn expensive

star-rice

okay, yeah, I know, but also why does all of that have to exist in tandem with their deliciousness.

this is more of an existential woe than a cry for information



star-rice(he/him)
persephone(she/her)
Time ago
persephone

i feel like i need a potential academic interest outside of just. people. but everything else gets so boring after like Advanced Level. even geography gets too specific to stay as exciting to me, and my love of studying literature at uni came from the fact that it was a lens through which i could learn about the human experience and different themes of expression and aspects of identity and culture. and now the only thing i can see myself finding remote fulfillment in for a realistic job is counselling. but i don't just want to exist for/because of/in relation to other people??

star-rice

"but i don't just want to exist for/because of/in relation to other people??"

Goddamn bingo. Thats a powerful ass line right there.



star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

My head is just sirens right now. And like, every emotion you could think to go with sirens? Ranging from "oh look an ambulance, wonder what happened", "oh god loud, annoying hgngnng", "oh fuck a whole fire truck, please tell me I'm not inconveniencing them (as I desperately try to pull over to the curb but not piss off other motorists bc I'm theoretically dumb", and, my favorite: "they're coming for me."


star-rice(he/him)
awkstea
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

Oh fuck. Guess who just found out who plays the Mandalorian? Its fucking Pedro Pascal who played goddamn Javier Pena in Narcos. Now I have like, a real reason to actual want to watch the Mandalorian other than the hype.


star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

star-rice(he/him)
posted this
Time ago

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