I Aspire To Have An Original Thought... One Day

24 | He/Him | Masc Trans NB | Certified Dumbass | Supposedly an Adult


Posts tagged nostalgia:

Man, so, just to make me feel better about how little space is on my main drive (its only 250gb and its responsible for my whole operating system) I decided to give it a defrag (because I cannot remember when I last did that???). Turns out that not only does my system defrag every week (never did I realize this) but the defragger does not have a fucking VISUAL?! ANYMORE?

Like that probably just my age showing, but I remember defraging my computer for fucking fun bc I liked to watch the fucking boxes.

So logically, I go to look up an old video of said visuals for nostalgia's sake and in the description its mentioned an appology is had for "lack of disk writing noises" which reminded me that the hard disks used to make sound!? So this obviously leads me to pull up a video featuring the sounds of a hard disk being defragged. And the amount of nostalgia I'm experiencing is incredible.

The amount of time I spent on old ass computers running windows 95/98/2000 is incalcuable. This sound was the background of my fucking existence from ages 2-10.

What is your Runalong I must know. I know I'm not the only one ok I swear,, i hope ;;
Mine kinda changes depending on the time of the day jkdsfjs- like if it's dark outside and the streetlights are on, it would kinda blend in with the lights. The lights are aliveeee.

crownedwithwisteria -

mine were cats! not even cool shadowy cats or anything asdfghjkl they were just. cats XD

star-rice -

Negl, mine were usually my Pokemon team at the time. Esp my Staraptor

So I was explaining to my s/o that I was at least mildly excited to attend what I referred to as a family function (which he remarked with "that's some white shit", which, agreed) and one of the reasons I was kind of excited was my dad wanted to break out the croquet set (which is a very nostalgic, childhood joy kinda thing for me). He then has to go "did you... Did you just say croquet? Croquet? Really?" I often forget connotations for things. I start being like "yeah, we played a lot when I was a kid and my grandfather's house had some really cool multi tiered landscaping that makes it fun yada yada" and all I hear from him is just "jfc I'm sorry, but that is the whitest shit I have ever heard" of course he's smiling and shaking his head. And he's totally fucking right, that's some white ass shit, no argument. Croquet is definately stereotypically this stupid posh white people luxury.

(Under the cut bc I'm rambly)

But also, I hope there comes a day when he gets to see how much our version of croquet is like watching rednecks have a tea party, but the only porcelain is the cups and pot, but no one's dressed up, someone's put on oldies and we're all sipping whisky instead of tea.

Plus when we play croquet, we turn into vicious sadomasochists because our goal is to plot this course as hellishly as possible, especially given the terrain, just to screw over everyone else playing, which, my hope is that is a lot harder now that we're not children. We will likely all be partaking in some kind of alcohol, wearing bathing suits, eating god knows what cookout food.

It's gonna be even more special for me and I assume others bc the next generation of my family will be present and those babies aren't babies anymore (they're like toddlers, but still). I'm the youngest that's still around of my generation and I'm getting to see for the first time what my parents and aunts/uncles got to see of us when we were babes. This is the side of my family I haven't disowned, the one I want to reconnect with, the one I want to show I'm a functioning adult who's been doing pretty okay at this life shit. I'm finally ready to try and sit down and try and connect with them. I desperately want a good relationship with at least part of my extended family, though I know the dynamic is that we're distant until we get together next.

I'm gonna be butt ass tired bc I open at work that morning, but I wanna have a good time. I know I'm putting a lot of weight on wanting to have a good relationship with my family, but they're what I have left. I can't reminisce about my maternal side... I want my childhood to mean something. I don't want it to be dead in this regard the same way it is in other ways. I'm also trans, and transitioning and finally getting to a point where I'm way happier and not holding myself close to my chest, I can show them who I am now. And I want to get to know them too. It just sucks that I'm the youngest, with the least to put in the table and I kinda missed out on the family childhood bonding bc they were all at least 6 years older than me. Like, they all have kids now.

My sister is their age but not interested in kids yet. Im no where near that level of course. We're my only parents kids. My family just keeps feeling more and more distant. My sister's way South does in Austin doing her own thing atm. It feels like I either wait for my nuclear family to converge again, or I can put in the effort to strengthen ties in the mean time.