I Aspire To Have An Original Thought... One Day

24 | He/Him | Masc Trans NB | Certified Dumbass | Supposedly an Adult

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Posts tagged work:

My union of all people: we know Covid has been tough on our country, especially essential workers. You're hard work is immeasurable.

Me: no the fuck it's not. Money. Give me money. Compensate my risk with money. Give me hazard pay. Burn down my company's headquarters until they give us more than our slave wages. And if you really want to make me happy, force them to call it hostage pay. Because that's what this situation is, and has been, for EIGHT MONTHS. Miss me with this "immeasurable" bullshit. It's sure as fuck measurable with our time and deaths. If this company had any moral bone in it's body, my hard work work would be correctly compensated with money not empty gestures. If you want to breed solidarity, oh dearest union of mine, express to me how much you're fighting for the things we need to make this situation closer to livable.


I am officially off of work for the next 8 days.

Fuck this hell hole.


My anxiety got poked several times too many today and one of my saving graces (dad dropping in to bestow me with beautiful food) is being ruined bc my stress response has ruined my appetite

And that's very homophobic of it to do to me right now >:'(


So at work I do all transactions from behind 2 inches of glass and with the use of a speaker and drawer system.

Well, yesterday our speaker started acting funny and while I can still hear customers, I cannot speak to them. So I have a sign explaining as such. It's sometimes a moot point because customers can't fucking read. Thankfully as a retail worker that needs to go on autopilot to conserve sanity, I had my whole process down to a script anyway, so with the use of note cards I've been able to keep transactions mostly as smooth as before, but this sure is a fun and frustrating exercise in what it would be like to be mute. It's made extra fun by customers who act as if this wildly inconveniences them and no one else, but most people have been incredibly understanding and have had fun with it. Extra thankfully, due to the glass, I do t have to wear a face mask and I can still mouth words at them if I don't have a cue card available.

8 hours of this shit sure if gonna be interesting, lemme tell you.


I keep hearing things here and there that conditions at work are supposed to be changing. And I don't know how to feel about it.


Not that I don't want things to change (I desperately want things to change), it's that I am not sure if I should believe what I'm hearing. Because for the past 6 months, things have not changed.

We're supposed to be getting someone new in the department. The last time they told us this like 6 weeks ago they were never even put on our schedule. Now we're supposedly getting another different person and I'm not sure whether to try and be anticipatory of it.

Our last store manager walked out and the new one is supposed to be "a huge hardass who gets shit done". He's been here 2 weeks and I havent seen the tiniest bit of meaningful change, just more empty gestures.

Everything about my job begs me to not put in as much effort as I do when my brain what's so badly for there to be some semblance of standards out here. And it's been like that for years. And as I continue not doing things the standard drops lower and lower with no end in sight. For so long "I can't do it alone" has been my catchphrase and I'm growing tired of it. It feels like a levee should have broken by now. Some failsafe should have triggered to put us back on track?

The problem is my lead. Like if she just gave a damn about making us do work out here, we'd be fine. But she lets the laziest person on the team get away with murder and me and the other guy go "well, if she can get away with murder, we might as well not do anything because it doesn't matter and there are zero consequences" we don't want to or care to get away with murder, but it's easier that way. So the whole department is shit. And it's not like management is real buddy buddy with my lead. Her fuck ups kick them in the ass occasionally as well, but they refuse to put in the effort to replace her? Reputable sources say she's broken the law in a way they really shoukd not ignore, yet I've heard no developments on the subject. So either, they've done the unthinkable and ignored/forgotten about it or my lead somehow wiggled out of committing fraud against the government. There's also a small chance due process is being taken, it's just kind of slow, but it's been like, 3 weeks? 4? At this point? So idk. All I know is that this wouldn't be the first and, as long as she's still employed, it won't be the last time she's done some incredulous shit that she'll never see consequences for.

And all I want is for her to do her job, honestly. I don't want her fired so much as I want whoever holds her job title to do their motherfucking job. If that means putting someone else in her position? I'm all for it. But if management actually disciplines her and she ends up becoming a person who does her job? Hell yeah!

I don't hate my lead as a person. She's a genuinely okay human being. Shes never intentionally an asshole to my face. She just doesn't do her job???? And everytime I ask her to do her job, she says "yeah, uhuh, sure" and then she doesn't! She pretends as if everything she does is aboveboard and kosher, and then it's not! And I'm tired of it!

I'm tired of being told by outside parties that my department does not do it's job because, for one, it's getting old, but secondly, it's getting old because I want to do my job!! I want to be an effective employee! I want to feel that satisfaction! But it's too much of a job for just little old me. If I did everything I'd be so resentful of my coworkers (which I already am, but at least this way I can't be mad at them, no one is going their job and it's because we're allowed to). I'd overwork myself (because I have) and I'd get nothing out of it (except deep disatisfaction). So I'd rather not be overworked if I'm not gonna get anything out of this.

I want to want to come to work. Hell, I'll settle for "not despise my working conditions as much". Is that so much to fucking ask for? Especially when I know it's entirely doable? Is it really so impossible and improbable that the same cycle of shit is gonna happen I we and over and over again? Despite getting more benefits and pay (hard fought for by the union) am I still gonna be stuck wanting any other job???


Fucking caught my lead deliberately fucking up inventory (and have proof of it on paper) so I conveinantly sent that shit to our new temporary store manager. No clue if this is gonna be another piece of kindling on the bonfire or the match that lights it, but I cant lie, I'm absolutely giddy with the possibility that I might be rid of her.


star-rice reblogged star-rice
star-rice -

Had a maintenance dude come in today to fix our emergency lighting, a relatively unimportant thing in the grand scheme of all the shit thats wrong with this building. As he was finishing up he asked jokingly if I was excited for the fix. I laughed and said "I'm about as excited for that light as I was when they painted the outside of our door. It's not what I'd fix around here, but I don't pay the maintenance budget."

"Sure you do, it comes out of your wages." The guy replied.


"They pay me the same whether thats fixed or not. This is their building, they pay to maintain it. What they pay me is between them and the union."

"Ah, ya'll are union." He didn't sound vindictive or anything. "We're not." He said finally.

"I'd bet not."

Idk why that coversation kind of stuck with me. It's so backwards to me that, even if we weren't unionized, to consider a maintenance cost as something that had anything to do with my wages. Maybe its because I know full well that I'm treated as a cost the same as that emergency light. That I know that this building is capital they own and must maintain so that it can continue producing revenue for the company. That that light he fixed was only fixed, not for my safety, but because it is required by OSHA and other governing bodies that were lobbied to promote my safety.

Yet the company doesn't care about the spray bottle labelled "water only" that my lead has filled with some bleach based cleaner. The company doesn't care that when it rains, water pours through our air conditioner. It leaks in through our broken foundation. The air conditioner doesn't have a condenser in it, so the humidity goes unchecked causing all our papers to curl and making working conditions that much more unpleasant. We have a sign above one of our pumps that is holding on by a singular bolt, ready to damage a customer or their vehical. Maybe 3 or 4 of our receipt printers reliably print receipts for more than 4 hours (when we have paper, that is). Two of them outright refuse and needed to be replaced over a year ago. I work under pandemic conditions long after our ""hero"" pay was cast aside for credit at company stores.

I didn't even know our emergency light in the back had gone out. I have no clue who ordered it to be fixed and brought this man to my back door. It's absolutely astounding to me that this is what get fixed. What underlying systems are working well enough to ensure I can see if the power goes out, but not mend the building I sit in that is undoubtedly a breeding ground for mold given the cellar like qualities of the air I breath.


star-rice -

@megafauna

I had a whole big multi-paragraph reply worked up that included the phrase "some corporate exec out there is too busy jerking off on his money and snorting cocaine off his secretary's ass to care about my working conditions." But I talked myself into a little bit of a circle, so I scrapped it.

Tl;dr - the gist is that this goes beyond the usual corporate neglect. This situation is every step of the capitalism ladder failing in spectacular fashion, including the fail safe of me not going to the union more aggressively than I have been (I've essentially just been consulting with our reps and not doing any hard action)


I know the names and faces of the people who make my singular job terrible. I resent them for not doing their jobs and following basic safety protocols and human decency. Not that it excuses it, but they're just as underpaid and overworked (for their positions and life circumstances) as I am. As much as I want to pin it on management wholesale, it does all fall squarely in the hands of corporate, even if other stores dont have our problems, we've fallen through the cracks and thats their responsibility. It truly is a huge storm of dumb bullshit created from the failings of capitalism and human nature. And it blows my mind because for corporate to catch wind of this shit (because believe you me they wouldn't care for it at all) so many other systems deliberately set up by my lead and management would have to fail. And the amount of money this building would have to lose is astronomical. They truly just dont care. We're not on their radar at all. The fact that this building exists and dispenses gas and customers continue to buy it is enough.

The sticking points for me is that I want to do my job, I want this place to be clean and safe and pleasing to both myself and customers. But I cant do that job alone, so I dont do it at all which means it doesn't get done. Im stuck reminding myselff that this is a pay check and that if its not in my direct job description, dont fucking do it (I've been advised of this by so many people, inside and outside of the workplace). The only things I do are the things i have to do to avoid direct trouble (were unionized, its very hard to get fired for anything other than no-call no-shows, insubordination or stealing) or I do things that make me feel more comfortable at my job (whether that be for my personal comfort or it leads to less guff from customers). I ritualistically remind myself when thinking about expending effort that it is not worth it and this is just a paycheck. A paycheck I chose to keep because I have benefits, seniority, and the near impossibility of being fired.

And I do still have some wiggle room to improve my working conditions, I can put in some formal complaints to management and the union of which legally both parties are required to formally follow up on. Right now I think I'm just waiting to see how a few things pan out before jumping to that option (which I should have done long ago tbh).


Had a maintenance dude come in today to fix our emergency lighting, a relatively unimportant thing in the grand scheme of all the shit thats wrong with this building. As he was finishing up he asked jokingly if I was excited for the fix. I laughed and said "I'm about as excited for that light as I was when they painted the outside of our door. It's not what I'd fix around here, but I don't pay the maintenance budget."

"Sure you do, it comes out of your wages." The guy replied.


"They pay me the same whether thats fixed or not. This is their building, they pay to maintain it. What they pay me is between them and the union."

"Ah, ya'll are union." He didn't sound vindictive or anything. "We're not." He said finally.

"I'd bet not."

Idk why that coversation kind of stuck with me. It's so backwards to me that, even if we weren't unionized, to consider a maintenance cost as something that had anything to do with my wages. Maybe its because I know full well that I'm treated as a cost the same as that emergency light. That I know that this building is capital they own and must maintain so that it can continue producing revenue for the company. That that light he fixed was only fixed, not for my safety, but because it is required by OSHA and other governing bodies that were lobbied to promote my safety.

Yet the company doesn't care about the spray bottle labelled "water only" that my lead has filled with some bleach based cleaner. The company doesn't care that when it rains, water pours through our air conditioner. It leaks in through our broken foundation. The air conditioner doesn't have a condenser in it, so the humidity goes unchecked causing all our papers to curl and making working conditions that much more unpleasant. We have a sign above one of our pumps that is holding on by a singular bolt, ready to damage a customer or their vehical. Maybe 3 or 4 of our receipt printers reliably print receipts for more than 4 hours (when we have paper, that is). Two of them outright refuse and needed to be replaced over a year ago. I work under pandemic conditions long after our ""hero"" pay was cast aside for credit at company stores.

I didn't even know our emergency light in the back had gone out. I have no clue who ordered it to be fixed and brought this man to my back door. It's absolutely astounding to me that this is what get fixed. What underlying systems are working well enough to ensure I can see if the power goes out, but not mend the building I sit in that is undoubtedly a breeding ground for mold given the cellar like qualities of the air I breath.


star-rice reblogged babushka
idioticsilverware -

it seems like everyone posts a lot on school days but not so much on the weekends.


babushka -

i think its generally because at school/workdays people are distracting themselves from routine by social media and then at weekends they're doing something they like and get completely immersed in it (or are just tired... like me....)


star-rice -

I will say, depending on the day, I am 100% more active at work. But idk about weekday versus weekend mostly because I almost never have any part of the weekend off.


star-rice reblogged star-rice
star-rice -

Working me a dope ass 12 hour shift today. 🙃 Sure, I don't have to, they can't make me. But hnnnng overtime......


star-rice -

Damnit, the on duty manager didn't wanna pay me overtime.

He's gonna send out a dude who gets paid more than I do (even with pay and a half) to cover the gap 😂


star-rice -

As eh as I feel about getting juked out of overtime, it's a kind of welcome change. I was fully prepared for for more hours of this and suddenly I get told I only have 40 minutes left? Not all that bad, if I do say so myself.


star-rice reblogged star-rice
star-rice -

Working me a dope ass 12 hour shift today. 🙃 Sure, I don't have to, they can't make me. But hnnnng overtime......


star-rice -

Damnit, the on duty manager didn't wanna pay me overtime.

He's gonna send out a dude who gets paid more than I do (even with pay and a half) to cover the gap 😂


Working me a dope ass 12 hour shift today. 🙃 Sure, I don't have to, they can't make me. But hnnnng overtime......


star-rice reblogged star-rice
star-rice -

Another day, another morning I crawl out of bed 2 minutes before I'm supposed to walk out the door.


star-rice -

Eh, that's kind of a lie. I always schedule myself 15 minutes drive time to work. But on mornings, traffic is close to nonexistent so I do kind of save 5 minutes already, which means I woke up 7 minutes before I was supposed to walk about the door and left 5 after.


Another day, another morning I crawl out of bed 2 minutes before I'm supposed to walk out the door.


God, opening 4 days in a row takes such a toll on my mental health. I hate getting up this early for work. Sure, the traffics nice, but the sun isn't even out yet. Brain gets big unhappy about not sleeping as much too, which is partially my fault, but after like, 8 or 9pm theres a transition my brain makes where it doesn't matter how long its been up, it wants to stay up until 11. And its so fucking easy to do for whatever reason. I'll spend 3pm-6pm begging for a nap, wishing I could lay down and sleep then, but not wanting to because then I'd fuck up my sleep pattern. But when 9pm rolls around, I generally fail to be in bed.

Even the prospect of another 8 hour shift alone in the box is kinda daunting atm. And I love two-person days where I have nothing to do but watch the register.

I'm really glad I'm off tomorrow. And as such, I'm gonna come home today and but my face directly into a pillow.


I always hate coming home stressed because it takes so long to get my brain out of panic mode. Like 'man I'm stressed so much! Grr" and it takes at least like, half an hour to convince my brain that "dude, we're home, you can chill now"

Also trying to deescalate without crashing is... hard. I want so badly to just fall into bed and sleep but that will not do me any favors. I still have a sleep schedule to keep. But I gotta find my way out of this funk without destructing or the reset benefit from a nap.


It's watch it storm and listen to Sit Elton John Hours at work B)


My last customer of the day: Man, isn't it such bullshit that we are required to wear masks to go into stores now?

Me: It's better than people dying.

Customer: Well, I haven't had anybody die of it.

Me: I've known a few...

Customer: Oh...


I don't wanna get up. Don't wanna go to work. My day off was not long enough >:'(


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