24 | He/Him | Masc Trans NB | Certified Dumbass | Supposedly an Adult
there needs to be a specific field of therapists dedicated to helping minors through internet drama
I think that's called fandom mom or fan elders.
oh no no i mean like, a professional therapist who happens to be informed on the intricacies of internet bs
I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers
This literally has been stuck in my head all day. Like, since I woke up this morning, this has been the background music in my brain.
me before therapy: hmm, psychologist say a lot of stuff originates from our childhood, but that's more of a meme than how things actually work, right?
me after therapy: damn damn damn damn DAMN
being me is just like:
*thinks about butches*
*thinks about being topped*
being me is just:
*thinks about women*
*thinks about topping a girl*
being me is:
*thinks about nonbinary people*
*thinks about being topped or topping*
*yearns, sipping hot chocolate*
Imma put this under a read-me because its kinda heavy, but I've been thinking about how fucked conservative views are on "The Gun Debate™"
tl;dr - shits so incredibly fucked and I'm goddamn mad and frightened
It's probably been several things that have set my brain on this topic today. One was a friend of mine mentioning theyre dating a new dude and that he's super cool, except for the fact that he's mostly conservative and is very pro gun. Apparently he's really chill about a lot of shit (and potentially even very low key about his gun shit idfk) and I really didn't want to rain on her parade, but that disturbs the every loving fuck out of me and I could never date someone who is anywhere near the realm of being 'pro-gun'. Its a hard stop for me.
Another thing was, of course, the fucking Sandyhook video that's going around. I'm not gonna say its bad, because I realy don't think it is. It's putting very fucking bluntly the problem of school shootings in america right now. I'm glad its gone viral for those who can stomach it (i am incredibly empathetic to those who were exposed to it and were negatively affected mentally).
And, probably not the last thing, but the last major thing I can think of a meme that popped up on my feed saying something like "How fucked up is it that its more dangerous to go to school than attend a fuck-huge, convention like gathering outside a goddamn military base" which honestly, is neither here nor there on the gun control debate, but it had me thinking.
Not to mention I already live in a red state where I'm constantly exposed to incredibly tacky bumper stickers and I work at a gas station where a good chunk of my time is spent sitting in a glass bubble watching the cars come and go.
So I'm thinking and, I'm familiar with the trends. It's not a mystery what kinds of kids are killing their peers (as much as the pro gun gang wants to believe it is). They're kids of white conservatives, and I guess it really clicked in place for me today that more than the school system, more than proliferate acceess to guns, more than any societal pressures or media influences, its the same fucking gun advocates that are 'raising' these kids. The people pushing that its a mental health crisis over a gun issue are likely the same motherfuckers who currated the home life these kids pop out of.
It's a fucking shitty response and it's been thrown back in their faces a million times, but how the fuck can you claim the problem is 'mentally ill people' when you're #1 - definately not advocating any actual help for actually real people with real neurodivergencies, but #2 - ususally the exact sort of people who're perpetuating the circumstances that cause these kids to go off the deep end in the first place. Kids aren't fucking born killers. Kids do not have a natural propensity to plan and stage mass murders. I couldn't tell you what minutiea creates these kids but my first suspect is not happy, loving or accepting homes that lack guns and the toxic idealogies that usually surround them.
Im just so tired. This country is in crisis on about 100 different levels right now. It has been for a long time. So long that this is the new normal because it has to be. Because if we didnt' normalize it we'd lose our minds in way more dramatic ways. But we still have to function. We can't just halt all the systems we're trapped in to deal with these crazy bullshit injustices (the system is like that by design, i know). I can remember back to when things were better and we all thought "oh, well there's no way it can get worse!" And of course we were wrong. And then we followed that thought with the same "it can't get worse" and then it did. And its happened over and over and over again on so many different topics.
Where the fuck does it end? When do things get better? I'm not trying to be, like, overly pessemistic over here. Sure I could think of maybe one or two things that have improved that are very significant and a hope for the future, but I'm looking at the bigger trends here. We're not even close to turning this fucking ship around. We're still plummeting face first into satan's asscrack of worst timelines at unbelievable velocity. Even if we up-end President Orange Peel and put the most liberal, can-do motherfucker in the white house (or any of the other branches of government for that matter), it's gonna be ages before things start actually turning up, much less reach any sort of status that can be considered "good" and thats if best case scenario levels of change happen ASAP. The united states is slowly morphing into, and i am not even begining to touch on any form of exageration, pre-world war II germany. I'm goddamn terrified.
I've been remembering a moment I had back in college. It was the day after the 2016 election results came in and we all knew that Donald J. Trump was going to be inaugerated for sure. I didn't know what to expect that day, obviously there were those who voted for him that were happy, but everyone else was just so morose. Like the dread was settling in for real this time. I think most of us thought, even up until the last moment, that there was no way he could win. But it had happened and now the things that we'd sort of thought about before, the consequences of this kind of administration, were going to be a reality.
I stayed after class with a friend during English that day. It had been a topic of conversation, I think the professor was the one to bring it up because there wasn't an icicles chance in hell we were going to get anything else done, so it was super fresh on the mind. I remember sitting there, just the three of us. We were all very liberal people and I said to her: "People are going to die because of this." Very frankly, but with the heaviest of hearts, I said those words. And she knew what I meant. We were thinking healthcare. We were thinking immigration. Actions that would affect policy that would disadvantage people leading to awful situations where people, off-handedly, would die as a result. I almost wish that was the level of consequence we were still talking about. The scale of horror that we're living on today is so much fucking worse. And its still not abhorrent enough for violent change in the system. Just how much worse does this need to get before drastic measures are taken.
Does this nightmare end when I die? When the Earth's viability for life is so decimated that, finally, the terrorists who brought it violently to this point are in real actual danger of perishing themselves? Sure, I didn't directly cause this, but I'm much closer to the class of people who did. Do I get to be witness to the mass extinction event that will end in the human race's demise? How painfully slow will it be? Will I sit there and wish I wasn't apart of the first world to escape the guilt and anguish of knowing my country was responsible, in no small part, for the death of so many people; to wish I had died with them instead? To know that there was every goddamn opportunity for the whole first world to get it the fuck together and end this mess!? To turn it around!? To at least try to avoid the absolute worst place scenario!? WHEN DO WE SET MONEY ASIDE FOR MORALS?! Shit at this point it feels like the fuckers in charge wont ever, even in their dying moments, even think about giving up their vast array of wealth to change the world even to save their own asses.
I live in a time where my worst fear is that the rich are going to hold this planet hostage until they can buy their way off it and then leave the poor to die on a world more than happy to suffer another mass extinction event. That's how goddamn warped my faith in humanity is. That's what I think the fucking apocalypse looks like and I know for a fact that, if I'm right, we're already well on our way.
And I sort of want to end the post there. That we're doomed and there's no hope even if that mentality is a symptom of a problem thats so out of my control, it's in self-harm levels of territory to internalize it as guilt. But there's another side to my current faith in humanity. Because while I believe it is 100% within possibility that rich assholes can have such lack of concern for anything but their wealth and personal well being, I know that if it comes down to apocalyptic levels of suffering, people will, just as they are right now, take the best of a bad situation and do what they can with it. Which doesnt' justify or excuse or even begin to fix all the awful that precedes then and even now, but thats the amount of hope I have right now. I know that no matter what bad shit is thrown towards any of our ways, we'll take it a day at a time at the very worst. When it comes we'll reassess, rerationalize and do what needs to be done to live another day. And honestly, what's really worse? Dying of circumstances because capitalism refuses you access to the very real, just out of arms reach technology and services? Or dying of circumstances created by the first world nuking itself 500 years into the past, eliminating the technology and services that could save you. Out of reach is still out of reach whether its an inch or a mile.
Or maybe its ideologies like those that doom us from the start. I'm still not convinced we are capable of contemplating shit on this scale, period. Our brains aren't wired for it. We would need to become a functional (as opposed to the presently disfunctional) world wide organism capable of coordinating our efforts enough to consientiously pilot our fates away from disaster. Is is physically possible? Yeah. I think so. If very specific shit were to happen, we could do so much good and reverse even more bad. But its also absolutely possible for the opposite to happen. I'd broach that its way more likely, actually. I just hope I'm wrong.
Or maybe its ideologies like those that doom us from the start.
#This is gonna get not great #guns #death #school shootings #politics #global warming #the apocalypse #absolute dread #worst case scenarios #just #yeah #just thoughts #i thought about tagging this do not reblog... im mostly just venting #I'm like 99% sure this is the most i've ever let myself go off the rails about publicly #theres like #a lot of bad things I've said here that can likely be rationalized out and refuted #but Im just gonna let myself marinate in this for half a second #even if its half a second longer than is healthy #im a little to fed up to care2 notes
the lag is super intrusive. I think a 11,000x8,000 pixel canvas might have been a bit much....
you know you might have a problem when your tablet pen moves more smoothly than your mouse.